Goofus and Gallant

Words and music copyright by Howard Ashby Kranz

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1. Goofus eats his ice cream cone from the bottom and blows bubbles in his coke with a straw.

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Gallant chews his mixed vegetables thoroughly after showing his clean hands to Pa.

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Goofus reads comic books, and in class he makes doodles of rocket ships going to the moon.

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Gallant reads Kipling and “Adventures from the Bible,” and does his homework in the afternoon.

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Chorus: Get off of my getting on! Get off of my getting on!

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Whoa, Get off of my getting on! I could work it out if you’d leave me alone, oh yeah...

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2. Gallant knows Goofus has some kind of understanding with Debbie, the queen of the prom.

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Gallant took her out to a candlelight dinner; she didn’t know where he was coming from.

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Debbie says she wants to be a Supreme Court justice, but she doesn’t believe in the law.

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Gallant lies awake nights; he knows he’s not supposed to have seen something that he saw.

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Bridge: Papa took Goofus to a Christian psychiatrist who gave him a relaxant and a talk.

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Mama knows Debbie’s still getting into no good though she watches her like a hawk.

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Goofus tumbles in his good clothes in the back yard getting stains all over his knees.

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Gallant sits in the Good Citizens Club saying thank you, you’re welcome, and please.

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3. Now Gallant’s a sales analyst for the 3M Company; he’s got everything he can imagine he needs.

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Goofus is a drummer working at the mattress factory,trying to kick a bad habit of weed.

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Debbie married Gallant, but she goes bowling every weeknight, and Goofus is in the same league.

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Any of them could have done anything they wanted if you listeners would only believe.

Chorus